My daughter started hanging with a boy and after a few weeks she asked me, “Should we have the talk?”
My immediate and almost panicked response was, “NO, for God’s sake, DO NOT have the Talk!!”
There seems to be a need among so many women to have to ‘know’ the terms and conditions of a relationship with a man somewhat like a dryer purchase. How long is this going to last? How often are we going to ‘see’ each other? Is there some sort of guarantee?
Well just like that dryer purchase, entering into some sort of arrangement with another person is like using the services of a Laundromat or opting for the full deal and getting your very own dryer installed into your home – there are advantages and disadvantages to both.
And what if, when talking specifically about that ‘man’ relationship, you just didn’t make a decision about what kind of relationship it was going to be. And even though everyone around you is pressuring you to say what it is that you’re doing exactly – what if you say you are not going to define it.
And although that goes again all the rules facebook – who else has found out relationships changes with family and friends because of status updates? And it’s one of the defining questions on many online dating sites –what are you looking for: dating, long term, friends with benefits …
But somehow, it can add some additional and unnecessary pressure to a forming relationship if it has to be defined from the onset so how about this?
How about deciding not to put a label on this ‘thing’ that is happening with this other person? How about just going day by day and not worrying about all the rest of it, including social media pressure? How about looking at the relationship as something that you really ‘want’ to do regardless of whether or not you’re dating or in a ‘long term’ relationship. As long as you both agree to certain boundaries and agreements such as how often you can get together and what sort of things you do when you are together, isn’t all the rest of the definitions out there a bit of a mute point?
A famous relationship ‘expert’ if there really is such a thing out there, said once that he wakes up every morning and looks at his wife and says consciously to himself, yes I want to be with her today.
And he says, that if you find yourself saying no for more than just a few days in a row, then you really have something serious that needs looking at. But he professes that he commits to her every morning, in that moment and not one day further into the future.
It’s impossible for us to really know what the days ahead will bring. How can anyone of us truly know if we will be with this same person in five, ten or twenty years? We can’t control our future or circumstances that might come along to change everything that we know right now – but we can control today. We can commit to that person today right here right now.
So why not just do that? Imagine, look at our reach out and touch that person right now and ask yourself, do I want to be with him today? And if the answer is yes, that’s all you need to worry about.
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