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October 19, 2017 3 min read

What is BDSM?

BDSM has been around for years, but has received more attention because of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. With the red room described in detail, BDSM is mistakenly assumed to be all about whips, chains and bondage. BDSM stands for Bondage-Disciple/ Dominance-Submission/ Sado-Masochism.

Bondage and Discipline

This is an incorporation of both physical and psychological faculties. Bondage involves the Dominant physically restraining the Submissive. This may be using chains, collars, leashes or rope. With accessories designed to be beginner friendly, bondage is a great way to introduce BDSM into your relationship.

Discipline involves the Dominant giving out instructions and the Submissive following them to the t. With discipline, the submissive is restricted from doing anything else other than what the dominant allows. Failure to adhere to the rules always means that some form of punishment will be dished out. Discipline is a reward and punishment game that aims at training the submissive to get comfortable with relinquishing control.

Dominance and Submission

BDSM requires a clear division of power, and this is defined by the dominant role and the submissive role. The common misconception is that the dominant holds the absolute power, but the submissive is as much in control as the dominant. Dominance requires that you assume control majority of the times, as you are responsible for your partner’s pain and pleasure once the game starts. The dominant cares for the submissive making sure that no harm comes to them. The submissive on the other hand takes the reigns when they utter the safe word. The signal is obeyed immediately by the dominant, and in this moment he/she has relinquished all their power to the submissive. The roles briefly switch to allow for an absolutely safe play, a necessary aspect of BDSM.

Sado-Masochism

This is what comes to the minds of most people when BDSM is mentioned. The infliction of pain for pleasure’s sake is something most people cannot wrap their heads around when it comes to BDSM. For a BDSM enthusiast, pain is an instrument that leads to pleasure and bliss. With sadism, the Dominant uses various toys to inflict some form of pain on the Submissive. This form of sensory play keeps the submissive in check, even having them beg for more. The pain is sometimes in the form of being kept waiting as is the case with chastity play.

Trust

The Dominant and Submissive require a great level of trust to ensure that the sessions do not end up in disappointment and catastrophe. The games are very risky in some cases and the submissive has to be able to know that the dominant will stop immediately the safe word is uttered. In this way, the submissive indulges comfortably and the whole session is pleasurable to both of them.

Communication

Open communication is important throughout the whole session. Before starting out, both parties have to consent to the activities on hand and also discuss the safe word that will be used. As the game goes along, there may be signals that may signal any distress or if a break is needed. Without communication the dominant wouldn’t know when to stop, and this may have dire consequences.

Safety

Once you decide to indulge in the pleasures of BDSM, adherence to safety is the greatest aspect of this journey. Every accessory and toy comes with its own set of guidelines and restrictions when it comes to their use. Ignorance is no defense and if there are any doubts about an accessory always make sure that you do more research. As a dominant, it is upon you to make sure that no harm comes to your submissive and your submissive is expected to let you know if they are uncomfortable or have reached their limit.

BDSM is a great way to enjoy your sexual freedom and is as rewarding as can be. With the various toys and accessories designed to start you off on this journey, you will find some of the games surprisingly mild. Whether you aim to stick to the lower levels or rise to the hardcore BDSM level, make sure to start slow and always ensure that your partner has the same aims as you to avoid strife and/or disappointment.


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